Reducing Loneliness and Social Isolation

by Dr. Elior Kinarthy

Psychologist

What can you do to overcome loneliness especially at this time in history where people are afraid to interact in larger groups and masks are required everywhere? It is much harder to overcome loneliness when people wear masks. They create distorted faces, garbled speech, and a lack of intimacy. Hiding your identity creates half of a visual picture, it reduces relationships and has incomplete interactions.

Loneliness is not being or doing things alone. It is a syndrome, a combination of factors, an inner state of self-limits and neglect. It manifests itself and becomes more pronounced with reduced freedoms in the environment.

Psychology considers loneliness a major debilitating condition that can lead to depression, low self-esteem, poor physical health, low IQ, and even suicidal ideation. Depression is defined as lack of energy, sleep disturbances, apathy, disinterest and negative speech-often related to a feeling of lack of self-worth. Low self-esteem is shown by helplessness and dependency which often leads to passivity and lack of interest in your surroundings. Loneliness in childhood due to reduced stimulation and neglect can result in poor learning outcomes and a lower IQ. Pervasive loneliness can lead to chronic mental illness and/or a more permanent condition such as a character disorder. A character disorder can be defined as the inability to hold a job or have a relationship.

How are masks affecting this generation of children? Research has extensively studied babies at different ages where they are shown a variety of faces with different emotions and facial distortions. Twenty years from now, millions of young adults may experience deeper depression related to the early years of Covid restrictions. Some societies could have more depressed people than others depending on how long they required their populace to wear masks.

To improve this situation, it would be ideal to take off your mask when smiling and wear a mask with flowers or creative designs. This is less intimidating than plain black and white masks that have a more negative affect. To show that masks and the Covid virus are not permanent you could have a cartoon image of a dying virus on your mask or words like” going away soon” or “not for long"… or "almost free”. This will educate children, create a positive atmosphere, and demonstrate resilience to stressful situations, while encouraging freedom of expression.

If you pressure your children to wear a mask and it becomes coercive, then it is affecting their identity and can lead to other problems such as difficulty relating. Rather than applying pressure, make a game out of wearing a mask. Freud wrote that if you cover the mouth at the oral stage (first two years) it could lead to significant changes in a culture that revolves around speaking, eating, kissing, etc. Thankfully it is rare to see masks on children under 5 years old but school-aged children can be affected negatively as well.

Most of us are born alone but we don’t start feeling lonely unless we are made to feel helpless. It is much better to let children have the freedom to be messy and then teach them to clean up! It is best to reward social skills, not shyness as loneliness starts with making excuses not to participate in group activities. Loneliness is also boredom. A toddler cannot be bored while learning to feed himself. Too often a child does not have enough positive interactions in childhood and is isolated. Childhood neglect can lead to suicide as an adolescent. If your life was stimulating and nurturing from 0 to 5 years old, chances are that you can handle most future instances of loneliness.

You can’t blame someone else for your loneliness as it takes years to develop. It often involves childhood and the significant people in your life. It’s a sense that you are not important and that no one cares about you. In culture and psychology there are many perceived solutions to overcome depression and loneliness. Humans have consciousness and the ability to think and plan an activity. A great solution to alleviate social isolation is to get together in dyadic or triadic groups and decide what to do together. Activities can be getting together for meals, hiking, sports, playing board games-the sky is the limit!

The beauty of winning against loneliness is that all you need is one real friend. The problem is not what you can do together with others, but the motivation to start! Instead of quick fixes and temporary solutions, I suggest group counselling led by someone you trust and respect. Then move in with a best friend, leave a bad neighbourhood, or get a job doing something you always wanted to do. Love what you do every day!